Attachment Disorder

Attachment disorders are conditions that can develop in young children who have issues establishing a deep emotional connection—known as the attachment bond—with their parent or primary caregiver. 

Since the quality of the attachment bond profoundly impacts your child’s development, experiencing attachment issues can affect their ability to express emotions, develop trust and security, and build meaningful relationships later in life.

Children who have attachment issues tend to fall on a spectrum, from mild problems that are easily addressed to one of two distinct attachment disorders recognized in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5): reactive attachment disorder (RAD) and disinhibited social engagement disorder (DSED).

Both types of attachment disorder are common in young children who have been traumatized, abused, bounced around in foster care, lived in orphanages, or separated from their primary caregiver after establishing a bond. These children may have difficulty relating to others and are often developmentally delayed.

However, no matter how detached or insecure your child seems, or how frustrated or exhausted you feel from trying to connect, it is possible to repair an attachment disorder. 

With the right tools—and a healthy dose of patience and love—you can bond with your child and help them develop healthy, meaningful, and loving relationships.

• An aversion to touch and physical affection. Children with reactive attachment disorder often flinch, laugh, or even say “ouch” when touched. Rather than producing positive feelings, touch and affection are perceived as a threat.

• Control issues. Most children with reactive attachment disorder go to great lengths to remain in control and avoid feeling helpless. They are often disobedient, defiant, and argumentative.

• Anger problems. Anger may be expressed directly, in tantrums or acting out, or through manipulative, passive-aggressive behaviour. Children with RAD, for example, may hide their anger in socially acceptable actions, like giving a high five that hurts or hugging someone too hard.

• Difficulty showing genuine care and affection. For example, children with disinhibited social engagement disorder may act inappropriately affectionately with strangers while displaying little or no affection towards their parents.

• Lack of inhibition. A child with DSED, for example, may be overly talkative or physical with unfamiliar adults, excited to interact or even leave with strangers, and fearless about places or situations that are strange or threatening.

• An underdeveloped conscience. Children with reactive attachment disorder may act like they don’t have a conscience and fail to show guilt, regret, or remorse after behaving badly. There’s evidence that left untreated attachment disorders may even lead to personality disorders in adulthood.

• Problems expressing anger - Children with attachment disorder may struggle to control and express their anger. They may express it through tantrums and acting out, or use passive-aggressive behaviour. They can also hide anger under socially acceptable behaviours, like hugging too tightly.

• Poor eye contact - Difficulty holding eye contact can signify a number of things with children. If seen along with other associated symptoms it could be a sign that the child is struggling with attachment.

• A need for control - Often those with attachment difficulties feel a strong desire to be in control. They may go to great lengths to feel in control of situations and can become disobedient and argumentative.

• Problems with self-monitoring - Self-monitoring is when we observe our own behaviour (either consciously or subconsciously) and recognise if behaviours need to change. For those with attachment disorder, this can become difficult.

• Difficulty showing affection - When the attachment bond to parents is insecure (or not there at all) children often show little to no affection towards their parents.

• Seeks affection from strangers - As a child with attachment disorder is/was unable to get ‘enough’ affection from their parents, they may seek it elsewhere. They may, therefore, act inappropriately affectionate towards strangers.

• An underdeveloped conscience - Those with attachment disorder can act as if they don’t have a conscience, failing to show remorse or regret after behaving badly.